Eyes
by Shiraume
Summary: BL/Mature. Yuuta has a secret, one even he does not realize himself. So when Mizuki offers, Yuuta takes, but his heart is elsewhere. Hints of onesided Fujicest, and spoilers for anime and manga. Please read the rating and the warning.


**Rating**: R (for sexuality and semi-explicit content)

**Pairing**: Mizuki x Yuuta, hints of (one-sided) Fujicest, references to TezuFuji

**Disclaimer**: I claim nothing but the insanity and the gutter that passes for my mind.

**Summary**: Yuuta has a secret that even he does not realize himself. So when Mizuki offers, Yuuta takes, but his heart is elsewhere.

**Notes**: A short excerpt from a very long fanfiction of mine, but can work as a standalone.

**WARNING**: _Fujicest alert!_ For the uninitiated, "Fujicest" refers to incestuous relationship between the two Fuji brothers. Please proceed with caution. This story also contains _YAOI_, as in an explicit male-male relationship, in case anyone missed the note.

**Spoilers**: Anime episodes 65-68, and some manga references. This is a manga-anime hybrid timeline.

* * *

**"Eyes"**

_by Shiraume_

[June 20, 2004]

It had always been his goal, one day, to catch up to his brother, and even surpass him. After watching his brother's match with Hyotei's Akutagawa Jirou, he had been astonished.

Then he had been more or less...crushed.

Even just catching up to his older brother seemed a daunting, if downright impossible, task. But to surpass him?

Fuji Yuuta did not indulge himself in self-deception.

In front of Mizuki-san, it was easy to put up a front, pretend he was still going after his brother with aspirations to win someday. It was easy to pretend that Mizuki-san believed him. Or maybe Mizuki-san did; one could never tell with him. It should have sent him to an abyss of despair, right? To realize that one wish that had supported him since leaving home, since leaving his brother, was one that was utterly unattainable, so completely out of reach...

Yet, after the strangely lethargic, almost inevitable feeling that accompanied the realization, there had been a sense of lull. There was no burning ambition or desire to win the next time, like he felt after playing against Echizen. There was just a calm acceptance, as if just confirming what he had known all along anyway. He supposed he should at least be angry about his aniki hiding so much of himself, even from him, but he was not. In fact, it fit in perfectly with his aniki, to reveal so little of himself. It was simply who he was, surrounding dark, cool, seductive charms wrapped around him like an impenetrable yet tantalizing veil, Fuji Syusuke was as alluring and mysterious as the moon.

And just as unreachable.

It made sense that he admired his aniki. It made sense that he admitted his aniki was better than good. It made sense his aniki should be in his thoughts constantly.

But it did _not_ make sense to remember the glint on sun that gave aniki's hair a softer glow of lighter brown. Did not make sense to remember how sunlight reflected from the fierce blue eyes, eyes with a more frosty, dark inner core, that sparkled like deepest of sapphire, no, blue diamonds, the rarest and most precious kind. Aniki had eyes that were as deep and beautiful as blue diamonds, the "Heart of the Ocean," that came out of some sappy American movie he had seen years ago. [1]

Time to time, it occurred to Yuuta that the way he thought of his aniki was sometimes a little inappropriate for a sibling. A sibling should not notice how attractive his brother's fair, soft skin was, no matter how beautiful he was...

Every once in a while, Yuuta would wonder what _really_ made him quit Seishun Gakuen. Was it really that he could not stand being compared to his aniki, or was it that he had hard time watching his aniki play? Just watching...?

Far away from his aniki, safe from the confusing emotions seeing his aniki stirred in him, it was easy to immerse himself in his training, in tennis, in anything and everything. Just as long as he could forget about the pair of blue eyes that seemed to sparkle with some inner light even in the dark. The eyes that looked at him with such gentle kindness and something akin to sadness. Hurt. Hurt that he himself had put there. Put there and enjoyed it because he knew _he_ had caused it in aniki. Had made aniki slip off his mask long enough to show a humane emotion. Yuuta had been perversely proud that he, and only he, could make aniki do that. Become less of the smiling perfection he usually was, more of the human that could become angry, could be hurt, could show something other than mild contentment. Even the protective anger and slight flicker of hatred in those intense blue eyes while aniki played against Mizuki-san had been so pleasing compared to aniki's usual placidness. When he had thanked Mizuki-san, he might as well have thanked him for showing him what _could_ move his aniki so easily.

So secretly, deep inside his heart, when Yuuta had lost to Akutagawa Jirou from Hyoutei, he had been almost relieved. Aniki would be angry, of course, but not at him. No, for him, aniki would be sad. Aniki would only think about him, until the match with Akutagawa was resolved. For that short time, he would again be the center of aniki's world.

And that was enough.

* * *

On the opening day of Kanto Regional, Seishun Gakuen won their match against Hyotei Gakuen. While outsiders merely watched with interest and excitement, from an insider's point of view, it had been nothing short of a miracle that Seigaku managed to win.

The loss of the Golden Pair should have had been fatal. Yet, somehow, Seigaku had won doubles two. It was painfully obvious who had the upper hand in singles three. Yet, somehow, Seigaku had taken it to a no-game. Singles two had been quite possibly the most unexpected dark horse of the match; while everyone knew about the tensai Fuji Syusuke, no one knew just _how_ good he was (and Yuuta had realized he had not, either). Singles one had been almost painful to watch, and the tie-breaking game... The only stroke of luck Seigaku had that day was that the lineup had placed Echizen Ryoma as a reserve.

But Yuuta had cared about none of that.

All he could think about was aniki's intense eyes, and that slightest hint of smirk on his lips as he showed to the stunned public the second shot of his disappearing serve.

At least until the long, drawn-out singles one match had begun.

"Look carefully, Yuuta," aniki had said suddenly, his eyes serious, "This is what is meant by a serious match."

It was true. He had never seen such an impressive match. While both Tezuka-san and Atobe-san were quite possibly the best players he had ever seen, the sheer concentration and battle of will, the determination and passion shown by both players had stunned him speechless.

He had noticed something else, as well.

Aniki's deep blue eyes remained open almost the entire match, watching Tezuka-san narrowly. There was a flicker of disbelief, worry, admiration, and finally, understanding dawning in those beautiful eyes, and for some reason, it seemed to Yuuta that those eyes had somehow awoken from a very long sleep. Once, just once, aniki's eyes flickered back to the large Seishun Gakuen's banner, held by the singles three player (Kawamura-san, if he was not mistaken), before returning to Tezuka-san. [2] Aniki's usual smile disappeared into a slight frown, and a strange sadness had started to creep into his eyes. However, the moment Yuuta recalled the clearest was when Tezuka-san collapsed, clutching his shoulder.

Aniki had screamed.

Aniki had screamed Tezuka-san's name, vaulted over the stand in a single, graceful movement, and had ran to Tezuka-san's side in the blink of an eye. It was the first time Yuuta had ever seen his aniki lose the imperturbable calm that never seemed to leave him. It was the first time Yuuta had seen his aniki truly panic, and it was _not for him_.

And that had hurt so much that he could no longer watch the match. He had debated leaving then, but wanted to see a little bit more of aniki so that he could be sure he was not mistaken. When Tezuka-san finally retired to the bench to rest and watch Echizen's match, aniki had leaned over the stand's rail to touch Tezuka-san's right shoulder gently. It would not have seemed strange had either one of them been prone to such gestures. But Yuuta knew neither was. As friendly as his aniki appeared, aniki never touched other people, or let other people touch him. And he had observed, though no one else appeared to have noticed, so lost they were in the match between Hiyoshi and Echizen, that Tezuka-san's right hand had risen briefly to brush against the one on his shoulder. Then another round of excited shouts erupted and the moment passed as if it never had been.

Save to Yuuta.

Yuuta refused to go home that day, but it was not because of the fact St. Rudolph had lost its chance to enter Kanto Regional or the National. Or that he was upset that aniki's skills had once again proven superior to his. He was just afraid - afraid of what he would do, what his rebellious mind would conjure up when he saw aniki again, what he would say to aniki to bring back the hurt and sadness back to those perfect blue eyes. Because that was the only emotion he could bring out of aniki, the only hold he had over his brother.

Would his aniki even miss him tonight, Yuuta wondered. It was the night of mixed victory for Seishun Gakuen, after all. Tezuka-san's injury did not seem light, and if he knew his brother, he would spend the entire night worrying about Tezuka-san's condition.

Trying best to ignore the sharp pang of _something_ growing in his heart, Yuuta went to the gym. He threw himself into his training with unusual passion, trying to distract himself from thinking about anything else. During training, at least, it worked; after all, it was difficult to think of anything else when your entire body was on such an overdrive that the only thing you could remember was breathing. But when he finished, he remembered that one rainy night, when aniki suddenly called him at his gym. He remembered aniki's strangely hushed voice. Not that aniki was loud at any time, but back then, there was a strange quality in his soft voice that he had never heard before.

"...I had a match with Echizen today."

His interested had piqued immediately. He had lost against the infuriating younger player, but how had his brother, the tennis tensai, fared against him? Unfortunately, because of Mizuki-san's untimely arrival, he had never found out. Aniki never mentioned it again.

He remembered being very annoyed about that, although he was unsure _why_. Why _had_ he been annoyed? Because he never found out the outcome of the match? Watching aniki today, he had become convinced that Echizen could not have defeated his aniki that day. Echizen was good, but not that good, not yet. To his surprisingly fierce satisfaction, Echizen also seemed quite shocked by his aniki's performance today. Echizen had been the bench coach, after all, and had the chance to see the match up close and personally.

Come to think of it, that annoyed him, too.

He had accepted that there were other people in aniki's life, but none of them was allowed to have such profound effect on his brother. They were brothers, after all. And what was stronger than the bond of blood? Besides, with such an easygoing personality (most of the times), aniki never seemed to take anything or anyone seriously, besides Yuuta himself.

Until Echizen, and of course, Tezuka-san.

He fisted his hand in his towel, jaws clenched so hard that his teeth hurt, though the ache was a distant thing in his mind. Walking back to his dorm room, Yuuta threaded out his thoughts carefully, trying to sort out his feelings, his motivations. He had never been particularly good at the last, but the whole thing had been bothering him too much, and he felt if he did not reach a conclusion soon, his head would burst from thinking too much.

First, irrevocable and certain fact was that he cared about his aniki. He was proud of aniki's skills as a tennis player. He was happy for each of his brother's victory.

Second, it was unlikely that he, Fuji Yuuta, would ever be able to win against his older brother. But Yuuta had long since accepted the fact that some people are simply better. Like Tezuka-san and Atobe-san today, there were players who surpassed even his brother. So, the fact aniki was better than he was should not have been a major factor for the current estrangement between the two of them.

Third, both Tezuka-san and Echizen were excellent players. It was natural that his brother, who lived and breathed tennis no matter how much he pretended otherwise, would be drawn to the two of them, be affected by them. Truly great players always had a way of influencing, changing, and becoming catalysts for each other. Echizen had been a good catalyst for himself, and had changed quite a few things about his own play style. There was, therefore, nothing strange about aniki's behavior towards Tezuka-san or Echizen. There was nothing that should upset him so much.

Except the intimacy of that single touch between Tezuka-san and aniki.

Neither was inclined for any kind of casual touches or even glances. Whenever he saw them together, they just stood side by side, close enough for friends, but far enough so neither intruded on the other's personal space. They rarely glanced at each other, or even talked much. At least so he thought, until today.

Alright, so there was a possibility more than friendship was going on between Tezuka-san and aniki. And the thought stabbed through his heart like a cold ice, shocking him.

Backtrack. Yuuta and Syusuke were brothers. No matter whom aniki got involved with, it would not change the fact they were brothers. He had no reason to be jealous.

Jealous?

Yuuta let his head thud against his door (he had walked all the way back to his room by then). Was that it? Was he jealous that Tezuka-san's place seemed so big in aniki's heart? Of all the juvenile... Muttering few choice words at himself, he opened his door.

To find Mizuki-san.

"I was afraid you'd gone home tonight, Yuuta-kun."

"Eh...Mizuki-san. What are you doing here?" Yuuta managed despite his fluster.

"Visiting you," came the placid answer, as if it were perfectly normal for Mizuki-san to be lounging in his bed in the dark, nearly eleven at night. Mizuki-san stretched, not bothering to get up, arching his back so the shirt slipped up to show his stomach. Yuuta stared at the white expanse of exposed skin, only realizing he was staring when Mizuki-san smirked slightly. "I thought perhaps you'd gone home tonight," Mizuki-san said, his tone that of a question.

"I didn't feel like it."

"Yuuta-kun," Mizuki-san's voice was uncharacteristically gentle. "I heard about Fuji-kun's match from Yanagisawa-kun. Are you upset about that?"

"I'm not upset," Yuuta mumbled automatically, a touch of defensiveness creeping into his voice.

"Yuuta-kun," Mizuki-san sat up fluidly, like a graceful cat, and half crouching, half kneeling on his bed, peered up at his face. Funny, Yuuta did not remember when he had crossed the room to stand right next to the bed currently occupied by Mizuki-san. "I have faith that you will defeat your brother, one day. Have patience," Mizuki-san reached out to gently touch his right shoulder. Remembering aniki's hand resting lightly on Tezuka-san's shoulder much the same way, Yuuta shivered. Mizuki-san's dark eyes seemed strangely magnetic, or had they always been like that?

"If you want, Yuuta-kun..." Mizuki-san trailed off, his hand trailing upward to rest against his neck lightly, "I can help you forget all about the match today. Everything."

Yuuta wanted to laugh. What Mizuki-san was offering...it was something out of some sappy romance novel or a z-grade movie. What was disturbing, however, was that he was staring at Mizuki-san's lips rather fixedly. Mizuki-san seemed to absorb the shadows of his room (Yuuta had not bothered to turn on the lights when he came in, and Mizuki-san had not objected), outlined only faintly by the moonlight, by the absence of shadow.

"Yuuta-kun, will you let me?" Mizuki-san whispered against his ear, and Yuuta shivered before he could control himself. The warm breath against his ear made his knees weak, and it was all he could do to prevent himself wrapping his arms around Mizuki-san's body. When an inquisitive tongue flicked out to trace his earlobe, Yuuta groaned low in his throat, falling forward, into Mizuki-san's waiting arms. Mizuki-san caught him and gently lowered both of them to the bed.

Mizuki-san was rather skilled at lovemaking, and Yuuta distractedly wondered if he had some prior experience. That part of him was soon forgotten as the heat of Mizuki-san's mouth enveloped him, and then there was just the mind-blowing pleasure. Just as he was about to climax, Mizuki-san pulled back, and Yuuta, panting heavily, opened his eyes to inquire what was the matter. Giving him a slight, reassuring smile, Mizuki-san pulled out something in the dark, and a moment later, he felt gentle fingers teasing against his entrance.

"Yuuta-kun..." Mizuki-san's voice sounded breathless. Biting back a moan, Yuuta bit out.

"Yes."

Yuuta did not remember much after that, just sensation and ecstasy and a pair of blue eyes that seemed to look into his soul, those he could not forget even when he could barely remember his name. He stifled his scream of completion against Mizuki-san's warm shoulder, biting into it hard enough to leave a very distinct mark that would linger for days. Mizuki-san's answering groan was right next to his ear, almost startling in its volume.

And the only one that filled his entire mind and soul was...

Mizuki-san had been considerate enough to use a condom, which redoubled his suspicion that Mizuki-san must have done this before.

The name he stifled by biting into the available shoulder was...

Mizuki-san had caressed him affectionately afterwards, running his fingers through Yuuta's short brown hair, the only feature his aniki and he shared; he and Yumiko-nee-san had taken after their father, but aniki had taken after their mother in his appearance. [3]

The name that shocked him into his senses even as his body lost itself to the ecstasy was...

Mizuki-san fell asleep resting against him, warm and comfortable against his side, with lulling heartbeat against his ear.

_Aniki._

FINIS

* * *

A/N:

[1] I've NO excuse for this one. I was young then, and liked it.

[2] A manga reference. In Genius 218, in the middle of his match against Kirihara, Fuji recalls Tezuka's match against Atobe: during Tezuka's match, Fuji looks at the school flag, and realizes that Seigaku was what made Tezuka play so passionately.

[3] Fuji Yoshiko, Syusuke's mother, appears briefly in the fanbook, TeniPuri 10.5, and she looks almost exactly like him. Since Yuuta resembles Yumiko more closely than he does Syusuke, I extrapolated on it.

Even though this piece is in an omniscient point of view, since I'm following Yuuta's thoughts, all the characters are referred the way Yuuta addresses them in manga-AniPuri, hence the overabundance of aniki and -san's. Sorry if that bothers anyone.

This is an excerpt from a fanfiction I wrote, but can work as a standalone. The rest of the fanfiction...well. I neither have the time nor the energy to edit and post a hundred pager. Thank you for reading.


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